It's about 2am and I'm just settling in for the night. It's a pattern that develops when I work overnight shifts at work. I get home around 2:30am and sleep most of the next morning/afternoon.

I didn't work today but I'm awake. I feel anxious; I feel antsy. I need to take a step and I have many different ones in my mind. But I'm not sure where to go.

100 new job – full time, benefits, works.
Part time substitute teach – make myself available a few days a week.
Maybe weekend waitress, while back at school – focus unknown.

(I should tell you at this point in writing this I have no idea if I will post it or not.)

I can't settle my brain enough, and I know it's my fear and ego mind talking. I recognize this. I've been trained to work against this. But I somehow can't seem to find the peace and wisdom I deserve.

Things are very stressful. My sister is getting married and my sister in law just had a baby! There are events going on at work that make it difficult to have a good attitude there.

I know I can change how I view things in my life. I know I can choose to see the difficulties as blessings on the way to a better place. For some reason I can't let myself allow the universe to work. I feel myself blocking it.

And I have to do something about it.

On the FAM front, my cycles are very long, it's taking 2 months at this point. I had this issue when I was in college. But my inner blocks are could also be having an affect, seeing as its why I haven't been updating my experience.

This read more like a diary, but I'm ok with it. I can be the only one who deals with spiritual blocks.


Bye Bye Birth Control

I got my period when I was 13. I wasn’t sexually active until college, so I did not bother with birth control. People suggested it to me for my horrible cramps and long, bloody days during my period (I was sent home on my 16th birthday because my period was so bad. My teacher looked at me, pale and drawn out – hunched over my sewing machine about to die and told me to go to the nurse – Happy Birthday to me…).

The times I did have sex I used condoms. But by the time I was in a serious relationship, something had to give. Neither of us enjoyed condoms, I had gotten a diaphragm but never mastered its techniques so I didn’t really use it (might have to bring it back into rotation though!). So I started on a fairly low-dose pill and had a great first month. Then I had my “period” every 2 weeks for 2 months. So back to the doc I went and got a different script. This one seemed much, much better. I thought maybe I had mood swings, but I also wasn’t remembering to take  my anti-depressant every day. I thought maybe my libido was acting strange since I was losing some of my sex drive. I thought maybe it was just stress or exhaustion. But then my joints started to hurt a little bit more when I tried to get on my yoga mat. And I was crying for no reason at NO single thing. I knew this wasn’t just stress or being tired.

For so many years I rejected hormonal birth control. I knew it wasn’t for me. I knew it could mess with my body’s natural currents. I was an advocate for never, ever going on it. And because of my financial state, life state, (CAN NOT have a kid right now), I gave in. I let myself believe it was the only way I could control my body.

Not so, folks. I’ve had brilliant health coaches along the way remind me of the dangers and I do wish I had listened. I kind of just don’t feel myself while on this stuff. I’m finishing out this week and then getting my “period” next week. But after that I will be going off the pill.

Yes, the plan is to transition to FAM. I’ve ordered my thermometer and books and literature and I’m researching all I can. I advise everyone to do this.

I think I’ll try to do a week-by-week update for this blog and track how my moods are and how things go once I stop taking the pill.

Meanwhile: comment your literature, book recs, youtube videos to watch, etc. If you’ve done this link me to your experiences or comment your story. I want to get in a lot of research and absorb knowledge before I really embark.


Period Shame

I went out for drinks and a late night snack a few nights ago with a couple girls from work. 

After ordering, we fell into conversation, as usual. At whatever point, the conversation turned toward birth control. I communicated my personal dislike for hormonal birth control and we discussed how soon one of us should go off of hers (she’s 25 and wants to have kids sometime in the fairly near future). 

Inevitably, this led to PERIOD TALK! One of my favorite subjects. I could tell these girls were not used to awesome talks about their periods because, although they were fine discussing the finer details, they would tone down their voices a little bit when certain words came up. I don’t remember how it started, but I mentioned that I don’t use pads or tampons any longer.

I was met with four deer-in-headlights eyes, and some uncomfortable laughter.

“What do you use then?”

“I didn’t know there was any other option. . . “

And so, I delved into my DivaCup! I explained the basics of what it is and how it works. And I was flooded with questions.

“How do you like. . . get it up there?”

“Aren’t you worried about leaking?”

“No, but really, how does it go up there?”

I answered as best I could, but it’s hard to explain without an image or physical object. 

When the subject of price came up, I gave them the info. 

“Wait what?! That much!?”

Yes, but it lasts up to 10 years if it’s taken care of.

More blank stares.

It’s reusable. . . You take it out and dump it and rinse– 

“Oh, hell no. I’m done.”

And there, ladies (and gents if you’re still here), is where I lost my dear friend. The other girl was fine to keep listening (she’s a nurse so she was more intrigued than anything). But I knew I had lost the other one. And I began thinking to myself, how is it that we still feel this way about our bodies? How is it that something so natural that happens every single month is so horrifying to us?

As biological females, we have the capacity to create life inside of us. We hold the key to continuing the human race (or maybe we’re the lock, if you’re into dirty metaphors). Yet we continue to treat our bodies like TRASH when we should be treating them like TEMPLES. We stuff our vaginas with chemical laden rayon and hide from the world when we’re menstruating. We dose ourselves with enough pain meds to sleep for hours on end and not experience our periods. We eat junk because that’s what we think our bodies need. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Menstruation doesn’t have to be ugly and painful. How do I know? Dude, I’ve been there.

After YEARS of periods where my cramps made me nauseated, doubled over in constant pain, I’m finally opening up to my cycle. My last cycle, I had one day of moderate cramps, followed by four days of bleeding where I was simply another part of my day. To be honest, I kind of enjoyed it. The week before I ate super healthy foods to keep my body and energy in good alignment. I obviously allowed myself chocolate. Delicious, organic, dark chocolate – filled with antioxidants and the flavor I craved. 

My point is that it actually makes me sad when I hear these reactions from people. I just want to reach out and take them in. I want to teach them to be in tune with their bodies instead of being ashamed of their natural cycles. Do I think we all have to adore and look forward to menstruation? No. Everyone has their own take on it. But this self-hatred and shame needs to come to an end. It’s time to stand up. 


Reviews coming!! Questions? Ask me here!

Hey all, 

Within in the next week or so I’m going to be putting up 2 reviews, probably via YouTube. One will be on my menstrual cup, and the other on a variety of cloth pantyliners that I’m trying out this time around on during my cycle. They’re coming from a few different Etsy sellers, as well as Party In My Pants and Lunapads. My cup is a DivaCup. Nobody is paying me to do this, I’m just interested in educating more people about these products and how easy it is to go green on your period and do good things for your own health at the same time! 

That being said…if you have ANY questions at all about the above topics, or about periods in general, please feel free to leave them in the comments and I’ll answer them in my reviews! I know there are a lot of concerns around cups and reusable pads from anyone who hasn’t used them yet so no question is too simple or complicated. Hit me with ’em! 


Have a Beautiful Day!