Start: Week 1 – Bye Bye, Birth Control

The reactions that I have received in telling a few close friends about stopping my birth control are ones that I expected. Most hovered in the area of “well you need to go to the doctor you can’t just stop” and “aw you’ll be the next one pregnant!”. While neither of those are necessarily true, they do have some resonance.

Can I just stop taking my pills? I took my last “real” pill yesterday and I’m on my final placebo week. Of course I have been doing research and watching videos of others’ experiences coming off hormonal birth control. Truthfully, I don’t really want to go back to my doctor (I actually use Planned Parenthood at the moment), because I don’t want them to say “oh lets try another pill we can find one that’s right for you.” So yes, I can stop taking my pill. Will I have side effects from the lack of those particular hormones? Quite possibly. My body has been altered so much by these fake hormones that I don’t know what could happen. But I still believe that our bodies have the ability to heal themselves as long as we treat them right.

I shouldn’t have to go through horrible symptoms and trials and errors to find birth control that works for me. Men, grab a condom and you’re good for pregnancy AND STD’s. We have it a little bit harder. I should be able to find a reliable, safe, natural method of birth control that I can use that doesn’t make me crazy! I already have depression and anxiety – and I truly believe since starting hormonal birth control both have become exponentially worse.

I feel like I have lost a big lust for life. Yes, my sex drive is also down so that “lusty” part is also a struggle. But in general, I have become duller. I lack motivation in the morning when I have plenty to do – even today, with this blog post on my to-do list, I rolled around in bed for almost 3 hours before starting it. Sure, I was up and down. I had some toast, popped my vitamins, and called my mom. Still, there’s something missing. I feel almost numb, the way I was before I got on my anti-depressant (yes I am for natural methods of medication but my anti-depressant literally saved my life. I’m working on getting off of it slowly but right now it is something that keeps me functioning – balance!).

I’ve received my copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility and I’m absorbing it all. I just wish I could shove it in my friends faces sometimes. I want to say “this is different, but not. It is new, but it’s old. And I can do it and make it work”. But that might take a while.

This week is almost a prep week – I’ll have my “period” probably Tuesday thru Thursday and then hopefully my body will begin to try and balance itself out.

Questions, comments, concerns? I’d love your feedback and/or advice on transitioning into FAM. Do you think I’m moving too fast? Why? Still skeptical? – Tell me your concerns. Knowledge is power – who says we can’t learn together!?

xx

Live YOUR Truth – No One Else’s

I’m at a very interesting point in my life. Emotionally, spiritually, and well…actually. 

I live with my aunt and uncle and bratty 17 year old cousin (male), rent free, while I work and finish school. The story of how I got here is too long. But I’m here. And I’m fairly self-sufficient and things run pretty smoothly for us here. 

One thing I have had to work very hard at keeping intact is my own truth. I am very different from this family. Sure, we have similar values and my aunt and uncle only want what’s best for me. But we have different ideas of WHAT those things are, and how I should go about getting to them. 

Admittedly, I’m a very emotionally sensitive person. I’m very empathic. I’m also very positive and kind. I don’t like to make others feel bad or put them down. My 17 year old cousin, on the other hand, thinks it’s HILARIOUS to torture me and make me feel like shit and have to get defensive. And my aunt just tells me to throw it back at him, don’t let it get to me. But…that’s not who I am. I can’t come up with insults off the cuff because I DON’T ENJOY GIVING THEM. Why should I enjoy making other people feel bad, even if it’s just a joke? It’s not funny. 

So as hard as it is, and as much as it hurts, I have to learn to let it roll off my back. Some days I can’t and I really take it to heart. Other times I can just ignore it and remind myself that I am MADE OF LOVE and don’t have to worry about anything else. I forgive him and move on. 

In a similar vein, I have professional differences with my aunt. She is a third year law student and former government employee. She and my uncle are both academics. I’m taking an extra semester to finish school, and I don’t even want to think about grad school. My aunt is all about The Plan – having one and executing one. I’m SO not. I let life comes as it happens. I take care of myself, my money and my life and I look for things that make me happy. I go with the flow and know that there is a universal plan for me and that everything is going to be a-okay. 

Decisions? I don’t make ’em. I hate making ’em. I only make ’em if my life or well being depends on it. I don’t even know what I want to do after graduation. And honestly, I’m SICK of being told what I should be doing by someone who really doesn’t get me. She doesn’t get my close relationship with my mother. She doesn’t get that not EVERYTHING depends on The Plan.

So my lesson here to you is DON’T LOSE YOUR TRUTH. Don’t let people around you try to stifle what you know in your heart and gut to be real. Because if you feel it that deeply and passionately then, IT’S REAL and nobody can take it away from you.