Late

It's about 2am and I'm just settling in for the night. It's a pattern that develops when I work overnight shifts at work. I get home around 2:30am and sleep most of the next morning/afternoon.

I didn't work today but I'm awake. I feel anxious; I feel antsy. I need to take a step and I have many different ones in my mind. But I'm not sure where to go.

100 new job – full time, benefits, works.
Part time substitute teach – make myself available a few days a week.
Maybe weekend waitress, while back at school – focus unknown.

(I should tell you at this point in writing this I have no idea if I will post it or not.)

I can't settle my brain enough, and I know it's my fear and ego mind talking. I recognize this. I've been trained to work against this. But I somehow can't seem to find the peace and wisdom I deserve.

Things are very stressful. My sister is getting married and my sister in law just had a baby! There are events going on at work that make it difficult to have a good attitude there.

I know I can change how I view things in my life. I know I can choose to see the difficulties as blessings on the way to a better place. For some reason I can't let myself allow the universe to work. I feel myself blocking it.

And I have to do something about it.

On the FAM front, my cycles are very long, it's taking 2 months at this point. I had this issue when I was in college. But my inner blocks are could also be having an affect, seeing as its why I haven't been updating my experience.

This read more like a diary, but I'm ok with it. I can be the only one who deals with spiritual blocks.

FAM Journey, Weeks 2-3

Hi all!

I’m not sure how many folks are following along here, but thanks if you are! I wanted to steadily post weekly, but obviously life sometimes gets in the way. Regardless, I’m checking in with my journey to get off hormonal birth control.

I stopped taking my BC pills on the last day before my “placebo” week started. Following that day, I hadĀ 2-3 days of extremely light spotting. I wouldn’t even call it a period – seeing as it was just a false bleed anyhow.

Around the same time, I began charting my temperature every morning. Immediately, I saw how general stressors of life could affect my temps. I went to a friends for girls’ night, drank quite a bit of wine and my temp the next morning shot up over 98 degrees, when I’m usually between 96.5 – 97. I’m thankful the app I am using allows me to select an option for a questionable temp and can exclude it from my chart lines.

Of course I knew I hadn’t yet ovulated because my cervical fluid was dry and my cervix was very low and closed – no eggs here.

By far the most amazing change I have seen is in my mood and demeanor. It’s much easier to function through the day – I don’t want to sleep on all my down time. I’m less abrasive toward family and friends, and I can feel my sex drive creeping back up. I’m sure my hormones wont go totally back to normal for a few months, but I am thrilled at what I am feeling and seeing in my body and mind right now.

I’m also several hundred pages into Taking Charge of Your Fertility, and the hype is right. It is the greatest source that you could pick up for this process. It will help you really understand what happens during your cycle. It will make you re-think any “issues” you may have thought you had and you’ll say “oh, that’s what that was.”. I was someone who thought that every time after my period I would have a yeast infection. In reality, I tend to just have a more crumbly-type fluid on my dry and sticky days – go figure!

I’m currently on day “17” of my cycle, however I am considering it an iffy one because I didn’t have a true “period” starting on day 1. I just based day 1 off of the first day I would have taken my placebo pills. Currently I am waiting for ovulation, and am definitely getting close. So from here until my next “safe” zone I’ll be using barrier methods during sex. I found the first large amount of creamy fluid yesterday so I expect to find my thermal jump in the next 4 or 5 days. I’ll keep you posted!

 

xx

 

Bye Bye Birth Control

I got my period when I was 13. I wasn’t sexually active until college, so I did not bother with birth control. People suggested it to me for my horrible cramps and long, bloody days during my period (I was sent home on my 16th birthday because my period was so bad. My teacher looked at me, pale and drawn out – hunched over my sewing machine about to die and told me to go to the nurse – Happy Birthday to me…).

The times I did have sex I used condoms. But by the time I was in a serious relationship, something had to give. Neither of us enjoyed condoms, I had gotten a diaphragm but never mastered its techniques so I didn’t really use it (might have to bring it back into rotation though!). So I started on a fairly low-dose pill and had a great first month. Then I had my “period” every 2 weeks for 2 months. So back to the doc I went and got a different script. This one seemed much, much better. I thought maybe I had mood swings, but I also wasn’t remembering to takeĀ  my anti-depressant every day. I thought maybe my libido was acting strange since I was losing some of my sex drive. I thought maybe it was just stress or exhaustion. But then my joints started to hurt a little bit more when I tried to get on my yoga mat. And I was crying for no reason at NO single thing. I knew this wasn’t just stress or being tired.

For so many years I rejected hormonal birth control. I knew it wasn’t for me. I knew it could mess with my body’s natural currents. I was an advocate for never, ever going on it. And because of my financial state, life state, (CAN NOT have a kid right now), I gave in. I let myself believe it was the only way I could control my body.

Not so, folks. I’ve had brilliant health coaches along the way remind me of the dangers and I do wish I had listened. I kind of just don’t feel myself while on this stuff. I’m finishing out this week and then getting my “period” next week. But after that I will be going off the pill.

Yes, the plan is to transition to FAM. I’ve ordered my thermometer and books and literature and I’m researching all I can. I advise everyone to do this.

I think I’ll try to do a week-by-week update for this blog and track how my moods are and how things go once I stop taking the pill.

Meanwhile: comment your literature, book recs, youtube videos to watch, etc. If you’ve done this link me to your experiences or comment your story. I want to get in a lot of research and absorb knowledge before I really embark.

xx