It's about 2am and I'm just settling in for the night. It's a pattern that develops when I work overnight shifts at work. I get home around 2:30am and sleep most of the next morning/afternoon.
I didn't work today but I'm awake. I feel anxious; I feel antsy. I need to take a step and I have many different ones in my mind. But I'm not sure where to go.
100 new job – full time, benefits, works.
Part time substitute teach – make myself available a few days a week.
Maybe weekend waitress, while back at school – focus unknown.
(I should tell you at this point in writing this I have no idea if I will post it or not.)
I can't settle my brain enough, and I know it's my fear and ego mind talking. I recognize this. I've been trained to work against this. But I somehow can't seem to find the peace and wisdom I deserve.
Things are very stressful. My sister is getting married and my sister in law just had a baby! There are events going on at work that make it difficult to have a good attitude there.
I know I can change how I view things in my life. I know I can choose to see the difficulties as blessings on the way to a better place. For some reason I can't let myself allow the universe to work. I feel myself blocking it.
And I have to do something about it.
On the FAM front, my cycles are very long, it's taking 2 months at this point. I had this issue when I was in college. But my inner blocks are could also be having an affect, seeing as its why I haven't been updating my experience.
This read more like a diary, but I'm ok with it. I can be the only one who deals with spiritual blocks.