Start: Week 1 – Bye Bye, Birth Control

The reactions that I have received in telling a few close friends about stopping my birth control are ones that I expected. Most hovered in the area of “well you need to go to the doctor you can’t just stop” and “aw you’ll be the next one pregnant!”. While neither of those are necessarily true, they do have some resonance.

Can I just stop taking my pills? I took my last “real” pill yesterday and I’m on my final placebo week. Of course I have been doing research and watching videos of others’ experiences coming off hormonal birth control. Truthfully, I don’t really want to go back to my doctor (I actually use Planned Parenthood at the moment), because I don’t want them to say “oh lets try another pill we can find one that’s right for you.” So yes, I can stop taking my pill. Will I have side effects from the lack of those particular hormones? Quite possibly. My body has been altered so much by these fake hormones that I don’t know what could happen. But I still believe that our bodies have the ability to heal themselves as long as we treat them right.

I shouldn’t have to go through horrible symptoms and trials and errors to find birth control that works for me. Men, grab a condom and you’re good for pregnancy AND STD’s. We have it a little bit harder. I should be able to find a reliable, safe, natural method of birth control that I can use that doesn’t make me crazy! I already have depression and anxiety – and I truly believe since starting hormonal birth control both have become exponentially worse.

I feel like I have lost a big lust for life. Yes, my sex drive is also down so that “lusty” part is also a struggle. But in general, I have become duller. I lack motivation in the morning when I have plenty to do – even today, with this blog post on my to-do list, I rolled around in bed for almost 3 hours before starting it. Sure, I was up and down. I had some toast, popped my vitamins, and called my mom. Still, there’s something missing. I feel almost numb, the way I was before I got on my anti-depressant (yes I am for natural methods of medication but my anti-depressant literally saved my life. I’m working on getting off of it slowly but right now it is something that keeps me functioning – balance!).

I’ve received my copy of Taking Charge of Your Fertility and I’m absorbing it all. I just wish I could shove it in my friends faces sometimes. I want to say “this is different, but not. It is new, but it’s old. And I can do it and make it work”. But that might take a while.

This week is almost a prep week – I’ll have my “period” probably Tuesday thru Thursday and then hopefully my body will begin to try and balance itself out.

Questions, comments, concerns? I’d love your feedback and/or advice on transitioning into FAM. Do you think I’m moving too fast? Why? Still skeptical? – Tell me your concerns. Knowledge is power – who says we can’t learn together!?

xx

Bye Bye Birth Control

I got my period when I was 13. I wasn’t sexually active until college, so I did not bother with birth control. People suggested it to me for my horrible cramps and long, bloody days during my period (I was sent home on my 16th birthday because my period was so bad. My teacher looked at me, pale and drawn out – hunched over my sewing machine about to die and told me to go to the nurse – Happy Birthday to me…).

The times I did have sex I used condoms. But by the time I was in a serious relationship, something had to give. Neither of us enjoyed condoms, I had gotten a diaphragm but never mastered its techniques so I didn’t really use it (might have to bring it back into rotation though!). So I started on a fairly low-dose pill and had a great first month. Then I had my “period” every 2 weeks for 2 months. So back to the doc I went and got a different script. This one seemed much, much better. I thought maybe I had mood swings, but I also wasn’t remembering to take  my anti-depressant every day. I thought maybe my libido was acting strange since I was losing some of my sex drive. I thought maybe it was just stress or exhaustion. But then my joints started to hurt a little bit more when I tried to get on my yoga mat. And I was crying for no reason at NO single thing. I knew this wasn’t just stress or being tired.

For so many years I rejected hormonal birth control. I knew it wasn’t for me. I knew it could mess with my body’s natural currents. I was an advocate for never, ever going on it. And because of my financial state, life state, (CAN NOT have a kid right now), I gave in. I let myself believe it was the only way I could control my body.

Not so, folks. I’ve had brilliant health coaches along the way remind me of the dangers and I do wish I had listened. I kind of just don’t feel myself while on this stuff. I’m finishing out this week and then getting my “period” next week. But after that I will be going off the pill.

Yes, the plan is to transition to FAM. I’ve ordered my thermometer and books and literature and I’m researching all I can. I advise everyone to do this.

I think I’ll try to do a week-by-week update for this blog and track how my moods are and how things go once I stop taking the pill.

Meanwhile: comment your literature, book recs, youtube videos to watch, etc. If you’ve done this link me to your experiences or comment your story. I want to get in a lot of research and absorb knowledge before I really embark.

xx

Where I’ve Been and Where I’m Going

Where I’ve been and where I’m going.

It’s interesting when you aren’t quite sure what either of those are.

I haven’t written anything down in several months, over a year. Forgive me if this feels choppy or unedited because my creative mind is a bit stuck. Literally stuck at this very moment. It feels as if there is no next thought anymore. I don’t know what to say next. I have thoughts in my head all day everyday. I feel the urge to scream them, sing them, and at least write them down. And I just never do. So it’s probably just the universe laughing at me that the moment I sit down to write anything, I’m completely fucking stuck.

Ah, well. I guess that’s what happens. You’ll probably see some new posts in the coming weeks. Political musings because, well, Cheeto; boyfriend rants; and the adventures of a teeny tiny studio apartment.